Pink Freud

timism of the day: People often ask me what it is like to be a psychotherapist and my first response is that I would not wish this job on anyone, as it is more a calling than a choice. It is not altogether pleasant, nor does it feel as if one is doing anything that is going to set the world in order. It is simply one client at a time, one problem at a time, and a sort of dance that takes place.

At first, there is always fear, anxiety, and a sense of being overwhelmed, as every word, phrase, tone, inflection, and body language is observed and as important as what utters from the lips. What one learns in University classes, seminars, and pouring over volumes and volumes of books and journals can in no way prepare you for the synchronicity that takes place in that room, eye to eye with a client. Your true teachers are your clients.

Your first lesson will be to realize that most of what is about to happen that will bear any relevance has less to do with theory and therapeutic interventions and more to do with creating a safe place for a relationship to transpire. If your client doesn’t trust you, or like you, they will not change. Thus, your first moment of clarity will be the acknowledgments that you do not have to have an answer for everything, that you are not to give advice and that you must come on terms with the fact that the more you know, the more you realize you don’t know.

For me, after practicing for 20+years, I know how little I know. In fact, I keep discovering how little I know. (This is great, here you are reading this, thinking it will teach you something about being a therapist and here I am saying how little I know!) Typically my client seems to be more certain about what they know that I am than I do.

With every new client comes new awareness and insight into my own shadow, and my countertransference that each new client has brought to me. Being a therapist will expose you to elements in your psyche that you sometimes would rather not know so intimately!

'ego-syntonic’ feelings will arise, the private side...the shadow, the stuff you don't really want to admit to yourself, much less anyone else? You will be exposed there in that room. You will often feel judged, inexperienced, incompetent, and whatever else your self-doubt can throw at you. You will learn what you have, and what you don’t have, and that your lightning quick intuition will often be wrong. You will be tentative and tender as you struggle to establish rapport. Your ego will always be threatened and you will often just plainly feel scared.

Learning to be a good therapist can be like a deep sea journey, much like being swallowed by a whale, or even, at times, swimming with the sharks. If it feels that you might drown (or be eaten) and every part of your psyche is activated, then you will probably end up a good therapist. If you just stay on the surface, you won't ever be able to go to the depths with your clients. If you don’t feel exposed, as your client does, then you are just going through the motions.

Every bone must be broken for you to become a good therapist? And, the drive home is always a lonely one. So, if you are still wondering if this may be a viable profession for you, consider this inside information.

Just sayin. Take it. Test it. Teach it. tim