Timism of the day: You’ve probably heard that joke about the two men who were talking when one asks, “Is it true that married people live longer than nonmarried people?” His friend replies, “No, it just seems longer.”
Humor surrounding married life often evokes laughter because those of you who are married know that it isn’t always easy. But the answer to the inquirer’s question in reality is an emphatic “yes.” Married people actually do live longer, because when compared to their nonmarried friends, they live healthier lives. I was reminded of this point the other day when I read a newspaper article with the headline “Married couples are healthier and live longer – and so do their children.” Ironically, that story was followed the next day by the headline “Study ties marital strife, heart disease.” Two days, two articles, two headlines, both clearly converging to make the same point—a healthy marriage equates to a healthier life.
The first story reported that a study in the United Kingdom found that the mortality rate for those who are married is much lower than those who are single. In fact, the mortality rate for single men between the ages of 30 and 59 was two-and-a-half times higher than those who were married. Single, divorced and widowed women also had higher mortality rates. Widowed men and single mothers were found to suffer from the highest number of chronic conditions. But these findings are nothing new. There are piles of studies that tell us about the health benefits of marriage.
For example, the CDC reported a few years ago from their study of more than 127,000 adults that “married persons were healthier for nearly every measure of health” compared to those who were divorced, widowed, never-married or cohabiting. The skeptic may say that this data simply reflects the fact that healthier people tend to get married, or that just having someone else in the house to look out for you results in better health. But studies have even shown that people who are sick and then get married live longer than those who are sick and don’t.
And other research, including the CDC study, has found that simply living with someone else does not confer the same health benefits of being married. People who live together without tying the knot mirror their single and divorced piers because they don’t reduce the unhealthy behaviors that married people do. Marriage carries with it a motivation and incentive to take better care of ourselves because our commitments extend beyond our own needs to our spouse and children. They depend on our well-being too.
Speaking for my own gender, marriage seems to settle us men down and provides a caring partner who monitors our health, watches what we eat and makes sure we see a doctor once in awhile. This would explain why I have abandoned my habit of eating a hotdogs and/or ramon noodles for lunch, much like I did in college due to not wanting to take the time to run to the cafateria. That decision alone may add 10 years to my life. I don't know about you other guys out there, but I could use some monitoring by a significant other.
The second study I read about adds a new layer to this whole discussion, because it points out an important qualifier to the mountain of evidence that marriage equals better health.The study of more than 9,000 British civil servants, most of whom were married, found that those with bad close relationships were 34 percent more likely to suffer heart trouble, including a heart attack.
Apparently an unhappy marriage can affect the heart in more than one way. So what does all of this tell us? Clearly our marriage, for better or for worse, can have a profound effect on the quality of our physical health. It also punctuates an important point.
We’ve all heard for years about the importance of exercising our bodies so that we can be healthy and stay fit. We exercise so that our bodies do not weaken or waste away. The same is true for marriage. Without deliberate acts of love and respect, a marriage can weaken too. The creeping separateness that can come from years of unhealed hurts or unspoken words will take its toll over time. But unlike when our bodies deteriorate from lack of exercise, a marriage that breaks down can leave a household full of broken hearts—and years of unhealthy emotional heartache and pain.
Marriage takes work. It takes intentionality. The good news is that the payoff for making it work has so many positive benefits for each spouse. A healthy marriage means a more satisfying relationship and a healthier body.
And may I just add a quick note to the single person, like myself that may be reading this: Choose well whom you will marry. As you can see, your decision will affect more than just your emotional well-being.
We hear a lot about the crisis in health care these days. Perhaps hospitals, doctors and health insurance companies should add to their message of healthy living the importance of maintaining a healthy marriage. Children would benefit from this message too. After all, kids who grow up in a family with their happily married mom and dad are more likely to be healthy than kids who do not. Work hard to make your marriage the best it can be. I can’t think of a better way to ensure a long and happy life.
Just sayin. Take it. Test it. Teach it. tim
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