For Strong People

 ~timism~

For Strong People

The fact that people think you're strong is likely due to all the pain that you've endured that they don't know about. Thus, they will often ask you to do more. Just because your strong doesn't always mean you can carry more. It means you've carried more, and are probably still carrying at least some of it. Some burdens are ours to carry underneath that tough exterior, sometimes for life. God can relieve you of your burdens of sin, but other burdens are more like scars which makes you vulnerable to burnout. Know your limits. Often with great pain comes great wisdom. And often, that's the wisdom to say "no".

Just sayin. Take it. Test it. Teach it. tim

~timism~ Love Is The Drug For Me

~timism~
Love Is The Drug For Me

1 Peter 4:7-8 New International Version (NIV)
"7 The end of all things is near. Therefore be alert and of sober mind so that you may pray. 8 Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins."

You can’t drink too much or indulge in illicit drug use on any consistent basis and expect to maintain a relationship with somebody. In fact, when you come home with that 30 pack, to the wife and kids you’re essentially saying, “I’m gonna check out emotionally for a couple of days. I’m here in body, but not in spirit”. Why? Because the more your intoxicated, the less that you are emotionally present. Alcohol and other drugs rob you of your ability to express yourself emotionally in any honest way. Sure, after a drink or two, you may actually be more emotionally adept, but anything past that is purely narcissistic and self-serving. It’s a slippery slope.

We are meant to be creatures of sobriety. And even the Bible encourages us to maintain sobriety so that we can be alert and pray. Apparently, because when we aren’t sober, we aren’t alert and able to pray effectively. In other words, we’ve riddled ourselves useless to God and those near and dear to us. So even if God should want to use you, you’ve disqualified yourself. Not only is sobriety important for normal relationships to maintain their depth, but without it, there’s a wedge between us and God.

Now, I’m not saying that alcohol and/or drugs, such as pot are evil in-and-of themselves, but like so many things that we have a right to do, doesn’t mean it’s always right to do them. At least when you choose to use, know that it can negatively affect you ability to be a good wife, or husband, or parent, or Christian. Think through the urge to the consequences and ask yourself if it’s worth it. Although moderation is key, sometimes sobriety is the best place to be. It all depends on your commitment to readiness, and your willingness to serve.

Mature Christian’s often don’t indulge in drugs and alcohol because it makes it more difficult to hear that still small voice of the Holy Spirit. It makes it more difficult to listen to the wife. It makes it more difficult to play with the kids and help them with their homework. Or to read a bedtime story and say prayers. It’s one of the many things that we often give up because there’s nothing better than the feeling that we get when we love with all of our hearts, and when we allow ourselves to be loved. There’s no drug that can compete with that. Just sayin. Take it. Test it. Teach it. tim

I WANT TO BE MENTALLY ILL

Question: I have this strange obsession with mental disorders. Everything I do I relate to myself having some sort of illness. I know that I must have depression, because no matter what I do those feelings of helplessness towards myself keep coming back. But I don’t know what I have, really. Most people are afraid of going insane, and they think “I’m not crazy!” when they’re in my place: lost, alone, depressed, suicidal, and self injuring. But with me, I WANT to go crazy; I WANT to see/hear things that aren’t there. The simple thought of being schizophrenic (which is my favorite mental disease) just makes me smile ear to ear. I love hospitals, and have this great desire to be in one. I want to be sick, and I know that’s horrible, but I can’t help it. I had a dream that I was in an ambulance, being raced to the hospital, and I woke up smiling. The thought of having problems is this huge thing for me. I get all sorts of books on mental illness and psychology. Just today I was thinking, “Am I obsessed with going insane? But then does that make me insane already? Can I just not deal with the fact that I’m sane? But then all these other symptoms I have, does that make me insane…?” I just have no idea what’s wrong with me, if anything is wrong with me. But that’s just it, I can’t fathom that nothing’s wrong with me. Would you have any idea what I should do? Oh, but you should also know, that I’ve been recommended for therapy by my school counselor for cutting myself, and to speak the truth I’d love to go to therapy, but I say I don’t want to. It’s like I want people to decide what to do with me. I don’t know what that is either. Help, please? Answer: There must be some part of you that is starved for attention. That’s the only logical rationale behind why you’d want to have a mental illness or to be hospitalized. Maybe you believe that if you were hospitalized you’d have many people concerned about you. There might be teams of doctors caring and looking after you. Your parents or family would likely be involved too. You may see hospitalization as a form of “guaranteed attention.” Perhaps that is your goal. Your deep desire for attention has turned into an obsession. The desire to be sick may be related to a disorder called Munchausen syndrome. Individuals with this disorder not only desire to be ill but they actually pretend that they are. Many even undergo risky or painful tests and treatments for their fictitious disorders in order to receive sympathy and attention. This is not the type of behavior you’re currently engaged in. The concern is that in the future you may progress from wishing you were ill to actually pretending that you are or doing something to make yourself ill. You wrote about schizophrenia being your “favorite” mental illness. You say that you “want” to experience delusions and hallucinations. No one who had schizophrenia or knew anyone with the disease would have this desire. You must be unaware of the fact that schizophrenia is one of the most debilitating mental illnesses that exists. It’s treatable and people can get better but there is no cure. Individuals who have the disorder say that it’s “hell on earth.” No one who was thinking clearly or knew anything about it would want this disease nor would they wish that they could experience any of its terrifying symptoms. It’s normal to want attention. Children need attention and when it’s not given they might act out inappropriately to get it. Teenagers need attention too. If they do not get it they too may misbehave. Individuals who are physically or emotionally neglected may go to great lengths to get noticed. I suspect the cutting behavior you’ve engaged in and your desire to be ill are misguided attempts to gain attention and sympathy from your caregivers. It’s human nature to need and want attention but it shouldn’t come at the expense of harming yourself. You want to attend therapy but when presented with the opportunity, you lie and say you don’t want to go. Why do you do this? If you have the chance to receive help then you should take it. You are engaging in self-harm and it needs to be treated. The desire to have a mental illness or to be hospitalized also is something that desperately needs to be addressed in counseling. A counselor can help you find more appropriate ways to ease your emotional pain. You are clearly suffering and your thinking is distorted but these things are correctable. The next time you are offered the chance for counseling make the very smart decision of saying yes. Just sayin. Take it. Test it. Teach it. tim

STIGMA

timism of the day: Are you having self-doubts today? This is common, your limited education, your father dying when you were young, your history of mental illness, an alcoholic parent, being raped, and guilt over a serious mistake you made in your teenage years. It is very important that you remember your past is over. Never build your future around your past. Jesus was born with a terrible stigma. His mother Mary, was pregnant with Him before she ever married Joseph, His father. The Bible says that they had not had a sexual relationship, but, “that which is conceived in her is of the Holy Ghost” (Matt. 1:20). Only two people in the world really knew that Mary was a virgin: God and Mary. Undoubtedly, hundreds of people mocked and sneered at Joseph for marrying Mary. Jesus grew up with this. He stepped out of a cesspool of human scorn. He clawed His way out of a pit of questions. He ignored the slanderous remarks. He knew the truth. He knew who He was and what He was about. It did not matter that others did not believe. He chose to chart His own course. The opinions of others did not matter. God never consults your past to determine your future. He never looked back. He never discussed the situation with anyone. There is not a single Scripture in the entire Bible where He ever brought up His background or His limitations. You too, can move beyond the scars of yesterday. Stop talking about your limited education. Quit complaining that everyone in your family is poor. Stop repeating stories of those who failed you. Stop pointing your fingers at the economy. Stop advertising your pain. Stop meditating on your flaws. Everyone has limitations. Each of us are handicapped in some way. Physically. Emotionally. Mentally. Spiritually. Stop looking at where you have been and start looking at where you are going. Just sayin. Take it. Test it. Teach it. tim

KEEP IT SIMPLE

timtomFoolery of the day: Joe has been seeing a psychoanalyst for four years for treatment of the fear that he had monsters under his bed. It had been years since he had gotten a good night's sleep. Furthermore, his progress was very poor, and he knew it. So, one day he stops seeing the psychoanalyst and decides to try something different. A few weeks later, Joe's former psychoanalyst meets his old client in the supermarket, and is surprised to find him looking well-rested, energetic, and cheerful. "Doc!" Joe says, "It's amazing! I'm cured!" "That's great news!" the psychoanalyst says. "you seem to be doing much better. How?" "I went to see another doctor," Joe says enthusiastically, "and he cured me in just ONE session!" "One?!" the psychoanalyst asks incredulously. "Yeah," continues Joe, "my new doctor is a behaviorist." "A behaviorist?" the psychoanalyst asks. "How did he cure you in one session?" "Oh, easy," says Joe. "He told me to cut the legs off of my bed." Just sayin. Take it. Test it. Teach it. tim

WHALES

timtomFoolery of the day: The other night, i was out and overheard three heavyset women talking with Scottish accents. Curiously, since i had been to Scotland, i approached them and inquired if they were from Scotland and one said loudly,"No, you lakey, we're from Wales!" So, trying to be polite, i asked, "So, have you three whales ever been to Scotland?" ...and that's all i remember. Just sayin.

HOW TO CHEAT PROOF YOUR RELATIONSHIP (FOR FEMALES)

timism of the day: According to research infidelity is very common within the first year of a relationship and it is likely due to becoming an "anything goes" society where the indiscretions of public figures are practically daily news. Experts say if you don't want someone to stray take these actions to try and prevent it: 1. Infidelity rates are much higher among cohabiting couples because, in general, a couple that lives together is NOT as committed & most likely he is on the prowl. IF you cohabitate prior to marriage it is best to do it as a "TRIAL BASIS" IF it doesn't work, MOVE ON. IF a person feels trapped an affair can seem like an easy way out. 2. The internet is a slippery slope toward infidelity, as easy access to porn, pornography leads to an increase in anonymous sex, and FB where you have an abundance of Ex's and One night stands finding your partner, e-flirting can get out of hand quickly. Most that use the internet to have an affair are looking for sex, not intimacy. 3. It's important to vocalize your appreciation, recreate excitement, be spontaneous. 4. Make sex a priority, otherwise your partner will feel they have to look outside the relationship, some sex is better than no sex. 5. People who have commitment issues tend to feel more trapped with relationships, so they are more likely to use another person outside of the relationship as an intimacy blocker to keep themselves from getting too close to their partner. Warning signs to identify a person who is at high risk for straying: He has an extremely active sex life (including masturbation), He has a lot of female friends (in person or online), He has/had a lot of male friends who cheat, and he has parents (mom or dad) who cheated. Just sayin. Take it. Test it. Teach it. tim

ONE FOOT IN FRONT OF THE OTHER KIND OF DAY

timism of the day: Today is one of those days where you've got to just put one foot in front of the other and trust that things will continue to be as they should be. Trust your mind, your instincts, your years of experience, and know that you know that you know in your KNOWER that you can do this, am doing this, am this, own this. If all else fails, you can always rely on the fact that you are a fallible human being (FHB) and it's NOT the end of the world. Don't worry, that won't happen, but it's good to know. Today i will rely on the fact that i know what i'm doing, settle in it, and let me happen. ThanX God for yet another day to serve you. Speak through me, give me favor, divine wisdon, spritual insight and timing, and most of all let me never forget that i am blessed. Just sayin. Take it. Test it. Teach it. tim

I DARE YOU

timism of the day: At a church meeting, a very wealthy man rose to tell the rest of those present about his Christian faith.



"I'm a millionaire," he said, "and I attribute it all to the rich blessings of God in my life. I remember that turning point in my faith. I had just earned my first dollar and I went to a church meeting that night. The speaker was a missionary who told about his work. I knew that I only had a dollar bill and I had to either give it all to God's work or give nothing at all. So at that moment, I decided to give my whole dollar to God. I believe that God blessed that decision, and that is why I am a rich man today."



When he finished and moved toward his seat, there was an awed silence as he sat down, a little old lady sitting in the same pew leaned over and said to him, "I dare you to do it again. Just sayin. Take it. Test it. Teach it. tim"



Just sayin. Take it. Test it. Teach it. tim

MY BASIC APPROACH TO PSYCHOTHERAPY

timism of the day: My basic approach to psychotherapy is to zero in, as quickly as possible, on the client's basic philosophy of life; to get them to see exactly what this is and how it is inevitably self-defeating; and to persuade them to work their ass off, cognitively, emotively and behaviorally, to profoundly change it. Just sayin. Take it. Test it. Teach it.

SPARE THE ROD SPOIL THE CHILD

timism of the day: Although the phrase, "Spare the rod and spoil the child," is not a Biblical text, there is no doubt that it reflects the meaning of two or three of the strongest Biblical Proverbs on child rearing.



These passages from the book of Proverbs read, "He who spares the rod hates his son, but he who loves him is diligent to discipline him." (Proverbs 13:24, King James Version, KJV) "Folly is bound up in the heart of a child, but the rod of discipline drives it far from him." (Proverbs 22:15, KJV) "Do not withhold discipline from a child; if you beat him with a rod, he will not die. If you beat him with the rod you will save his life from Sheol" ("soul from hell" Authorized KJV). (Proverbs 23:13, 15, KJV)



All other Biblical texts which speak of child rearing, with the possible exception of Hebrews 12:6 which speaks of "chastising" ("scourging" in the Authorized KJV), use more general, positive terms such as "discipline," "nurture" and "train up."



There are those texts that would even seem to contradict the Proverbs texts, a primary example being Ephesians 6:4, "Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the nurture and instruction of the Lord."



Professionals who daily must deal with child physical abuse uniformly speak of the fact that most physical abuse results from attempts to punish or control the child, which attempt has escalated to produce physical harm. For this reason, many are concerned when religions, on the basis of the above quoted passages, advocate the use of the rod.



One pediatrician who works with physically abused children in hospital emergency room situations has said, "I do not understand that quote from Proverbs which says, 'If you beat him with a rod he will not die.' The fact is, many do die."



All Biblical scholars, including fundamental Christian teachers, know that, on the surface, at least, there are apparent contradictions between various sections and books of scripture. However, the fundamental scholar, who believes in the literal inerrancy of the entire Biblical text, will resolve these by pointing out the differences of time, place and dispensation.



In the case of potential child abuse by physical beating, it becomes extremely important that such scholars do resolve these apparent discrepancies. Perhaps this could be done by pointing to the "New Covenant" emphasis upon the positive teachings which follow the model of Jesus' treatment of children, or of the apostle Paul's definition of love in I Corinthians 13. (Note: the reference here has been to Christian scholarship. It is of interest that there seems not to be as much emphasis on these "use of the rod" passages as justification for corporal punishment in the Jewish tradition which gave us these Proverbs.)



It is not the place of this discussion to deal with theological issues, however. The manner in which this is resolved theologically must be left to each parent. So what are you thoughts on spanking a child?

FUNNY THINGS I THOUGHT AS A CHILD

timism of the day: i used to think i could run faster when i got new tennis shoes. i used to think that the ratings for movies meant G-Good, PG-Pretty Good, R-Really happened, X-Sex. i used to think that since we had no fireplace growing up that i had to keep a door unlocked on Christmas night so Santa could get in. i believed something evil did in fact live underneath my bed so i would not sleep with my hands over the edge ever, to name a few.

FEAR OF PUNISHMENT

timism of the day: I guarantee that if the fear of punishment is the only reason that you believe you will not do something again that is not in your best interest, then I guarantee to you that you will do it again. Just sayin. Take it. Test it. Teach it. tim

FEAR IS NOT A GOOD MOTIVATOR

timism of the day: Just a few things about fear:

■Fear is not a good motivator because eventually the fear subsides, and so does your motivation.
■Your motivation has to come from a deeper place and has to be internally motivated.
■In fact, in a sense, you need more than motivation; you need inspiration, which implies a recommitment or a commitment to a value system.
■Some of us have never asked ourselves what are values are?
■Here’s a quick trick to get to your current value system.
Take a piece of paper, draw a line down the middle and list your strengths on the left and weaknesses on the rigt. (Things I am good at) Vs. (Things I could improve on). Once you have made that list, therein lies your value system on the left and your conflicts on the right.

Try it. Just sayin. Take it. Test it. Teach it. tim

THE FOUR AGREEMENTS

timism of the day: The four agreements:

BE IMPECCABLE WITH YOUR WORD

Speak with integrity. Say only what you mean. Avoid using the word to speak against yourself or gossip about others. Use the power of your word in the direction of truth and love.

DON’T TAKE ANYTHING PERSONALLY

Nothing others do is because of you. What others say and do is a projection of their own reality, their own dreams. When you are immune to the opinions and actions of others, you won’t be the victim of needless suffering.

DON’T MAKE ASSUMPTIONS

Find the courage to ask questions and to express what you really want. Communicate with others as clearly as you can to avoid misunderstandings, sadness, and drama. With just this one agreement, you can completely transform your life.

ALWAYS DO YOUR BEST

Your best is going to change from moment to moment; it will be different when you are healthy as opposed to sick. Under and circumstance, simply do your best and you will avoid self-judgment, self-abuse, and regret.

Just sayin. Take it. Test it. Teach it. Luv-N-Ja. tim

LOVE IS

timism of the day: 1 COR. 13:13 – Now these three remain: Faith, Hope, and Love. But the Greatest of these is love.



1 Corinthians 13:4-7 "Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always preserves."





tenderness, fondness, predilection, warmth, passion, adoration. 1, 2. Love, affection, devotion all mean a deep and enduring emotional regard, usually for another person. Love may apply to various kinds of regard: the charity of the Creator, reverent adoration toward God or toward a person, the relation of parent and child, the regard of friends for each other, romantic feelings for another person, etc. Affection is a fondness for others that is enduring and tender, but calm. Devotion is an intense love and steadfast, enduring loyalty to a person; it may also imply consecration to a cause. 2. liking, inclination, regard, friendliness. 15. like. 16. adore, adulate, worship.



■Contrary to a lot of the popular secular books on relationship, man did not invent relationship. It was a God idea. In fact He created the entire universe in such a perfect mathematical system, so that our planet would have the perfect conditions for mankind.
■Then God created an incredible paradise, in which He intended man to live. Finally, He formed man out of earth and breathed life into him. God created man to have relationship with him.
■I find it very interesting that in Genesis, as God was creating the world, the only time He said that anything was not good, was when Adam was alone and could not find an appropriate helper.
■Clearly God recognized the importance of human relationship as well, which is why He created Eve. Right from the beginning, God taught us about right relationship with Him and with each other.


■Adam and Eve had the perfect life - living in paradise and walking in complete union with God and yet, they (like us) were deceived into thinking there could be something better.
■Their disobedience (and ours) separated them from God and changed the overall relationship. Now that sin and death had entered their lives, Adam and Eve would no longer live that perfect life and would eventually die.
■Because of the curse of sin, they would struggle through life, separated from God. Their sin opened a door between the spiritual and physical realms for Satan to torment human relationships from that day until the day that Jesus returns and frees mankind from evil for eternity.
■This is why we see so many struggles in relationships today.
■There’s been thousands of years of deception
■And thousands of years to mold those who allow it
■I'm sure that evil is delighted to see the divorce rate up above 50% (even among Christians).
■I'm sure that evil loves seeing the alienated relationships between parents and children.
■I know that evil loves to see people killing and hurting each other.
■It's easy to see evil influence in the relationships between employers and employees.
■Mostly, it's got to just thrill evil to no end to see what has happened to the relationship between mankind and God.
■Opposite of all that, it breaks God's heart to see what man has allowed evil to accomplish in relationships.


Evil is…yet so is LOVE!!!

■As God has a plan for you, so does evil.
■John 10:10 tells us that evil has come to steal, kill, and destroy you.
■Evil hates us because God loves us.
■Actually Evil hates God and takes it out on us.
■Second, we must understand that evil doesn't want us in right relationship with God or each other and will do everything within its power to keep us in conflict.
■If we recognize this, then we will know that ANY time we are in conflict with another human being, we (or they) are being motivated and manipulated by evil.
■This is why Paul taught in Ephesians 6 that we don't fight against flesh and blood. It is always a spiritual battle that must be fought through prayer.
■We must learn to recognize and not fall into evil’s relationship traps.
■He wants us to argue and fight.
■He wants us to be mad at each other and not talk.
■He wants us offended.
Cognitive Irrational Beliefs about Relationships

■My partner will never do anything to hurt me.
■My partner will sense what I need without my telling him or her.
■My partner will never be sexually attracted to anyone else.
■If my partner truly loves me, he or she will always try to please us.
■Love means never being angry or disappointed with each other.
■The thought of ending our relationship will never cross either of our minds.
■Our sexual relationship will always be exciting.
■My partner will always be honest, open, and direct with me.
■My partner will always respect, understand, and accept me no matter what I say or do.
■My relationship with my partner will meet all my needs.


Here is your assignment for the coming weeks and months. Every time you feel yourself moving toward a conflict, recognize it and stop it in its tracks while it is happening.



LISTEN FOR LOVE

■There are times when we are timid and shy about expressing the love we feel. For fear of embarrassing the other person, or ourselves, we hesitate to say the actual words "I love you."
■So we try to communicate the idea in other words.
■We say 'take care' or 'don't drive too fast' or 'be good.' But really, these are just other ways of saying 'I love you,' 'you are important to me,' 'I care what happens to you.'
■We are sometimes very strange people. The only thing we want to say, and the one thing that we should say, is the one thing we don't say.
■And yet, because the feeling is so real, and the need to say it is so strong, we are driven to use other words and signs to say what we really mean. And many times the meaning never gets communicated at all and the other person is left feeling unloved and unwanted.
■Therefore, we have to listen for love in the words that people are saying to us. Sometimes the explicit words are necessary, but more often, the manner of saying things is even more important. A joyous insult carries more affection and love within the sentiments which are expressed insincerely.
■An impulsive hug says I love you even though the words might be saying a very different thing.
■Any expression of a person's concern for another says I love you. Sometimes the expression is clumsy, sometimes even cruel. Sometimes we must look and listen very intently for the love that contains. But it is often there, beneath the surface.
■A mother may nag her son constantly about his grades or cleaning his room. The son may hear only the nagging, but if he listens carefully, he will hear the love underneath the nagging. His mother wants him to do well, to be successful. Her concern and love for her son unfortunately emerge in her nagging. But it is love all the same.
■A daughter comes home way past her curfew, and her father confronts her with angry words. The daughter may hear only the anger, but if she listens carefully, she will hear the love under the anger. "I was worried about you," the father is saying. "Because I care about you and I love you. You are important to me."
■We say I love you in many ways - with birthday gifts, and little notes, with smiles and sometimes with tears.
■Sometimes we show our love by just keeping quiet and not saying a word, at other times by speaking out, even brusquely. We show our love sometimes by impulsiveness. Many times we have to show our love by forgiving someone who has not listened to the love we have tried to express.
■The problem in listening for love is that we don't always understand the language of love which the other person is using.
■A girl may use tears or emotions to say what she wants to say, and her boyfriend may not understand her because he expects her to be talking his language. Thus, we have to force ourselves to really listen for love.
■The problem with our world is that people rarely listen to each other. They hear the words, but they don't listen to the actions that accompany the words or the expression on the face.
■Or people listen only for rejection or misunderstanding. They do not see the love that is there just beneath the surface, even if the words are angry.
■We have to listen for love in those around us.
■If we listen intently we will discover that we are a lot more loved than we realize. Listen for love and we will find that the world is a very loving place, after all.
LOVE is a happy thing.

It makes us laugh,

It makes us sing,

It makes us sad,

It makes us cry,

It makes us seek the reason why,

It makes us take,

It makes us give,

but above all else, it makes us live! ~ Jayne Fisher

■James 4:10 Humble yourselves before the Lord, and he will lift you up.


God so loved the world that He gave His Only Son, that whosoever believes in Him shall not Perish but have Eternal Life. (John 3:16)



Just sayin. Take it. Test it. Teach it. Luv-N-Ja. tim

THE 90/10 RULE

timism of the day: The longer I live, the more I realize the impact of attitude on life. Attitude, to me, is more important than facts. It is more important than the past, than education, than money, than circumstances, than failure, than successes, than what other people think or say or do. It is more important than appearance, giftedness or skill. It will make or break a company, a church, a home. The remarkable thing is we have a choice everyday regarding the attitude we will embrace for that day. We cannot change our past, we cannot change the fact that people will act in a certain way. We cannot change the inevitable. The only thing we can do is play on the one string we have, and that is our attitude. I am convinced that life is 10% what happens to me and 90% of how I react to it. And so it is with you.we are in charge of our attitudes. Just sayin. Take it. Test it. Teach it. tim

THE ILLITERATE OF THE 21ST CENTURY

timism of the day: One of the important concepts that i have learned over the years is that we are creatures of habit, thus unlearning something to acquire a new skill, to adapt, and change with the ever pressing pace of this world is tantamount for survival. Of all the types of learning, unlearning can be the most difficut, but difficult as it may be, i am convinced that the illiterate of the 21st century will not be those who cannot read and write, but those who cannot and/or wll not choose not to learn, unlearn and relearn. Just sayin. Take it. Test it. Teach it. tim

LEARNING TO BE UNHAPPY

timism of the day: Alot of people that I work with have been learning to be unhappy much of their lives. The tendency is to compartmentalise their lives and say that they are doing great at work but their home life is a mess or vice-versa . This is a false dichotomy . You have one life - not a "home life" and a "work life" and a "something else life." And if any one aspect of your life is out of whack, your life is not working and the ramifications are felt everywhere.



Indeed there is no shortage of practitioners in this field and some are very good and some are charlatans. Most tend to use techniques to "fix" problems. For example, if an executive's problem is anger outbursts he might be advised to breathe deeply before speaking or to count to ten slowly.



I don't play in this arena. I help executives identify the mental models they use that precipitate the unsuitable behavior and make changes in these models. This approach frequently solves a whole raft of "problems " simultaneously. Thus many, who have taken to my approach report that they feel less stress, have better relations with bosses, peers and subordinates and get more done in less time. Just sayin. Take it. Test it. Teach it. tim